


you keep tearing me apart

by myhomeisyou



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, im sorry???, this has no plot at all i just want to write sad malum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 03:58:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9582506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myhomeisyou/pseuds/myhomeisyou
Summary: Calum missed a lot of chances in his life, and this is the one he regrets the most.





	

Calum has been best friends with Michael for more than half of his life, and he realizes that maybe, just maybe, he’s been in love with him since the beginning of their friendship.

 

And he feels so fucking _lame_ , because throughout the years of them being best friends, not once did he confess to Michael that he has feelings for him.

 

He didn’t think about it at first, when he first realized that he likes Michael more than just a friend. He didn’t think about telling him right away, because he’s _scared_ , and they were sixteen and their covers on youtube are somehow gaining attention, and they have fans now ( _how did that even happen?_ ), and he thinks that it could wait. The band is more important than his fucking feelings, so. He waits for another time.

 

;;

 

It feels like he’s waited for a million years. And it’s fine, he thinks. He is used to waiting.

 

(It’s not, because he is so, so _stupid_.)

 

Their band is famous now, and they have made two albums, toured across the world and played in different cities every night, and Calum still hasn’t confessed his love for Michael. And he feels _lame_.

 

Because he is so fucking foolish of him to think that he has another time, another chance to tell him that _hey, I know you’re my best friend, but I am also in love with you, maybe since we were kids, I don’t know exactly when but- yeah._

 

Calum thinks that maybe he is selfish to think that Michael would be only his, that despite the countless people they meet everyday, they would still be michaelandcalum in the end, and that’s all that matters to him.

 

It’s when he sees Michael holding hands with a girl for the first time that he realizes he’s wrong, because he never had Michael in the first place because _he never fucking told him anything_.

 

Calum thinks he might be sick.

 

;;

 

Michael goes on numerous dates. He doesn’t always introduce them to Calum, just mentions their name once or twice, and maybe it’s selfish but he is _relieved_ because it means he’s not that serious, that he still has a chance. It still fucking hurts, of course, because maybe if he stopped being such a coward, then he would be the one going on dinner dates with Michael, watching stupid movies until they fall asleep on each other’s arms, or kissing him until they can’t anymore.

 

Instead, he swallows the unpleasant feeling on his throat every time he sees Michael with someone that’s not him. If he cries to himself to sleep, no one has to know.

 

;;

 

Calum thought he’d be numb by now, but when Michael tells him he might be getting serious with his current girlfriend, he starts crying.

 

He wasn’t even aware of the tears falling down his face until Michael asked if he was alright, and Calum tells him _I’m just so happy for you, Mikey, finally! You’ve waited for the right person and now you found her!_ and he laughs like he doesn’t a feel a knife on his heart slowly killing him inside. Michael believes him, tells him he’s such a sappy shithead, and he hugs him tight as if to comfort the other boy.

 

Usually, a warm hug from Michael works like magic, taking the sadness out of Calum in under a minute. Now though, he feels cold, and the heavy feeling of sadness on his heart stays.

 

;;

 

There was a time when Calum believed that he and Michael are soulmates.

 

They were inseparable after all, they have been friends since they were little kids. Calum was a shy little boy who had a hard time making friends, that his mother had to promise him a pack of gummy bears if he at least talks to one of his classmates at kindergarten. Michael was loud, but his classmates thought of him as a weird kid with even weirder hair.

 

They were an unlikely pair, but it was the start of michaelandcalum, and as cheesy as it sounds, it was a moment that Calum would never forget.

 

As they grew up, they became closer, and it probably doesn’t look like a normal friendship anymore _because friends don’t kiss when no one is looking, friends don’t have their first times with each other, friends don’t stare at the other like they’re fucking in love_.

 

“You and Michael are so in sync together sometimes, it’s like you’re fucking soulmates or something.” Luke tells him. Calum’s mouth goes dry (and he’s blushing? What the hell?), and he wants to say something, but before he does, Michael shrugs and says, “Maybe we are.”

 

Calum believed him. Maybe soulmates do exist, because he believed that he found his in the name of Michael Clifford.

 

He wishes he knew just how wrong he was back then.

 

;;

 

Michael proposed to his girlfriend on their five-year anniversary.

 

He’s not sure how it happened, because he was just checking his Instagram until he sees a photo of Michael kissing his girlfriend (now fiancé) captioned **#engaged!! #luckiestmanever.**

 

Not once had Michael ever told him he was going to propose, and that already hurt him enough, but the picture alone seems like the ultimate slap in the face, the harsh reminder that Michael would never love him back.

 

He missed his chance ages ago, he knows that, but at that moment, he wishes he had the ability to erase that picture from his memory.

 

This is all his fault. He had high hopes that Michael would return his feelings, only to not say anything about his own, and now, knowing that the love of life would be married to someone else, is the final nail in the coffin.

 

It’s real, it’s happening, Michael is engaged, he’s going to get married, and not to him, and _will never be him._

 

Calum missed a lot of chances in his life, and this is the one he regrets the most.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if u made it this far, congrats and also sorry again


End file.
